If You Can't Stand the Heat ...

... then you're one of many. Also, get out of the kitchen.

The kitchen will be rocking tonight in Cleveland when LeBron James and the Miami Heat return to the city that the star player spurned for greener pastures (or so we thought) back in July, announcing one of the most landmark offseason NBA moves in the league's history.

Of course, what's memorable isn't just the fact that James was switching teams - we all pretty much knew he probably wasn't going back to Cleveland after the end of last season. It had more to do with how James chose to carry out his decision to "take his talents to South Beach." In a live, one-hour primetime televised special when the only significant competing event might have been a baseball game, or a re-run of CSI or something. Yes, it was on this grandest of stages that James chose to rip out the hearts of Cleveland sports fans everywhere.

Okay, that's one way to look at it. That's how Cleveland fans look at it. My view has always been that they need to get it together, and that they should have seen this coming. Sure, doesn't make it any easier, but it's clear some sort of shake-up needed to happen if James or the Cavs were ever going to win a championship. It didn't work out. We all know the ins-and-outs of it by now - no need to rehash it all.

But what has been significant is the surprisingly slow start out of the gate that Miami has experienced in the early going here. They're 11-8, and not even in first place in their division. It's one of the most heaped-upon, discussed sports stories of the past several weeks (well, at least since the 2010-11 NBA season began). Why aren't they whipping up on everyone? What's with the chemistry problems? Why can't LeBron and Dwayne Wade complement each other on the court? Will this team even win one NBA title, let alone multiples?

So many questions. And the crowd in Cleveland tonight will be in full-on "Eff you, LeBron!" mode, without a doubt. I'm just not sure we'll see the kind of defining moment that everyone is hoping for (or thinking might happen). It will be entertaining, the crowd will be obnoxious, but ultimately, this is going to be another forgettable NBA game between two teams that are most likely not winning a championship this year (well, Cleveland definitely won't be. Jury's still out on the Heat, although it's not looking great for them).

It's just funny. We judge athletes, anyone famous really, by the standards we want them to have. LeBron is no different in our eyes. We think, well, he has ridiculous, unspeakable physical gifts on the basketball court. Therefore, he should dominate like Jordan did in the 90s. Like Kobe is now. It just doesn't seem right otherwise. We can't wrap our head around LeBron's legacy, who he is as a person right now, and it's messing with us big-time. Why is this guy so good but he can't be on a title-winning team? What's important to him? What does he value? Does he want to be a global icon, or a multiple-ring winner, or both? Is he more concerned with his name branding, or the brand name of the jeweler who'll be crafting his championship ring? Does he have the mental toughness that's necessary to lead himself and his teammates to the promised land?

None of us know the answers to any of this. All we know right now is that this 25-year-old kid has immense skills on the basketball court, but seems to lack the ultra-competitive, killer instinct gene present in Jordan and Kobe. You know, the same gene that makes most of us say - "Wow, those guys seem like real dicks sometimes, but they won't settle for anything less than winning at all costs."

The Heat have a lot of talent, but they lack a ton of qualities needed for a championship (a veteran coach, leader-type players who've won multiple titles before, a bona fide big man in the low-post, chemistry). You get the idea. It's just amazing how these things can be so hard to predict. Cleveland won more games than anyone else last year in the regular season, and by the time they were ousted from the playoffs, we were thinking "How the hell did anyone think that team was going to win a championship?" Then, LeBron, Wade and Bosh team up on the same squad, and we're all immediately handing over the championship hardware to them. It's nuts.

For the record, Boston, the Lakers and San Antonio are the best teams right now. I'll be very surprised if one of them doesn't end up winning the title, but it's certainly early and a lot can happen between now and June.

I'll be glued to the set tonight like a lot of others, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not as epic an event as we'd all like to believe. This is mostly about some unsettled 'score' between one talented hometown hero and his bitter fan base. It's a sad, tense relationship that will probably never be resolved, but shouldn't be this contentious in the first place.

Everyone needs to just move on.