Everything Under the Sun

Okay, not quite, but I’ve got a variety of goodies, despite the fact that Halloween is now well behind us. You know what else is well behind us? The 2009 World Series. No escaping the fact that my team (yes, I DO own them, thank you!) lost. My ideas on that, and a cornucopia, a veritable cascade of other thoughts, await you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is total improv-style. We’re going to be on the ‘Whose Line is it Anyway’ tip here. Don’t ask me for further explanation, as I will not be able to offer such.

• I was one of the skeptic blowhards talking about how the Phillies didn’t have what it takes to repeat this year, dating all the way back to the beginning of the 2009 postseason and the Colorado Rockies NLDS Series, despite the cries of ‘pessimist’ by friends and family. And it’s not just because the Phils are still a franchise that, historically, has lost way more often than it has won (although that was a key motivating factor in my original assessment). But it has more to do with the fact that they were really up against a juggernaut this year. This Yankees team was more loaded than the Fat-Boy special at IHOP (if there is such a thing. By the way, there should be). The fact that the Phillies didn’t come out on top is disappointing if you’re a fan, but unsurprising if you’re a realist. I don’t want to discredit the Yankees, or accuse them of ‘buying’ their championship – especially since they’ve been bringing in high-priced talent for the past 9 years and it didn’t translate into a championship until now. Anything other than owning up to the fact that the Phillies just lost to a better team is nothing but sour grapes. I know all the ‘diehard’ fans will disagree with that, and most of them are the same type of morons that are just a little bit too behind their sports teams, you know what I mean? Let’s put it this way, if you’ve ever: A) been in a fight because of a dispute involving your favorite professional sports team; B) ever been kicked out of a sporting event because you got drunk and acted like an asshole while watching your favorite sports team; or C) ever deluded yourself into thinking that anyone, including most importantly the organization itself, would ever give a rat’s ass if you suddenly stopped rooting so vehemently for said sports team, then you need to chiggity-check yourself before you wreck yourself.

With that aside, let’s please remember that the Phillies were 100 percent healthy throughout this entire postseason, and can’t sit on any excuse as to why they didn’t get it done, other than the simple fact that they were the inferior team. When the Yankees took Game 3 in Philly, I basically knew that was it. Philly would have had to get that sweep at home. I just had a gut feeling that going back to the Bronx for Games 6 and, if necessary, 7, would not turn out well.

Anyway, two straight trips to the World Series is nothing to sneeze at. I haven’t worked out all the math as to whose contracts are up and what might happen in the offseason, but I don’t expect the 2010 Phillies should be too much of a downgrade. Good fighting effort, Cliff Lee and Chase Utley were supermen, and there weren’t enough contributions from the rest of the team. That’s the long and the short of it. Oh and Pedro, even though you’re a character and easy to laugh at, the Yankees are, indeed, still your daddy.

• In the land of college football, Alabama squeezed past LSU yesterday in a key SEC West Division clash, basically setting up the SEC Title game contest between Florida and Alabama that we all knew would be looming all along. With Texas waiting in the wings, and assuming that the Longhorns take care of business and win the Big 12 Title, we’re probably headed for a Florida/’Bama winner vs. Texas national title game. Don’t count out TCU and Cincinnati though, sitting right behind at Nos. 4 and 5 in the latest AP poll. Also this past weekend, Iowa lost to Northwestern, which kind of kills the Hawkeyes’ dream season of playing for a championship. And Orgeon, which was ripping through the PAC 10 without a conference loss up until Saturday, was taken down by Stanford. Here’s what I’d love to happen – either Florida or ‘Bama will most likely win the SEC title game and be unbeaten, right? But if Texas loses the Big 12 championship game, and Cincinnati or TCU wins out, we could, possibly, dare to dream, see a Florida or ‘Bama vs. TCU or Cincy national title game. It’s a longshot, but not impossible. Hey BCS big-wigs, peep this: if you’re sick of everyone bitching about how unfair it is that there’s no playoff in Division I-A college football, then give one of these ‘lesser’ teams a shot at a title if they truly do their part. Or don’t, and continue to be one of the more vilified governing bodies of a major, multi-million dollar sport. Either way’s good with us.

• Can somebody please fill in the announcers and PA operators at NFL stadiums throughout the country that it is not, in fact, 1991, and that it is, on occasion, permissible to play a song snippet that’s NOT ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ or ‘Enter Sandman’ during a crucial moment in a game? I’d take just about anything else at this point. MC Hammer? Tenacious D? The Screaming Trees? Is anyone else on the same page with me?

• If YOU’VE ever experienced erectile dysfunction … oh wait, I’m sorry. I slipped into commercial mode there for a second. I thought this was the 2009 Major League Baseball playoffs. Seriously, when did baseball become the sport of choice for impotent men between the ages of, well, whatever the hell ages that MLB’s marketing gurus think are watching these games, I guess. I just don’t get it. The Viva Viagara commercial has to be the worst. I literally lunge for the remote whenever that goddamn thing comes on as if there’s five million dollars at stake for the first person to lay hands on it. And by the way, how should I feel about the fact that it’s been a challenge for me to even stay awake for the conclusion of many of these ’09 postseason baseball games? Do they just run too late? Am I just an old man? Should I join a boot camp fitness program? Entirely too many questions.

• I have to mention that I saw a riveting, albeit lengthy, off-off-broadway performance of the play ‘Pillowman’ at the Astoria Performing Arts Center Saturday night. I had heard great things about this play when it was on Broadway (starring Jeff Goldblum and Billy Crudup), but I didn’t have the chance to see it before its run ended. Well thanks to the magic of smaller productions and local theater, I saw a rather strong showing of it practically in my own backyard with my wife and a friend (by the way, I don’t have a backyard. I would possibly commit murder for one, I sometimes tell myself). If you’re a local reader, I highly recommend dropping the scant $18 and seeing this during its short run. Do be forewarned though, that it’s extremely eff’d up. This is not something to take the kiddies to go see. If you especially have a soft place in your heart for children, be extra careful. With some simple internet research, I’m sure you can find a synopsis of what it’s about. But be aware, it’s not the most easygoing theater experience.

• I heard about some super group that recently just formed, featuring Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters), Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) and John Paul Jones (legendary bassist/composer/arranger for Led Zeppelin). Considering that these are three of my favorite musicians, hailing from three of my favorite groups, I’m extremely curious to check them out. If anyone has any opinions/impressions from having heard anything they’ve done so far, please do pass along.

• There is now a DJ Hero video game. I’m torn whenever I see the commercial. I’m notorious for killing games like ‘Guitar Hero’ and ‘Rock Band’ by saying things like ‘Learn … the damn instrument … yourself!” But I realize that this simply isn’t practical or realistic for everyone. And while I’m much more excited by the thought of being able to experiment with actual DJ equipment some day, I realize that buying this silly game and hooking it up at home is way easier and more practical than figuring out how to gain access to, learn, and adequately operate REAL DJ equipment. Still, I can’t bring myself to go out and buy it. If hip hop music, overall, was in an actual strong overall state while this game was coming out, I’d be kicking down doors to scoop it up. But since it’s 2009, and not 1992, I just can’t quite muster the same level of excitement.

• TV, TV, TV. The Mad Men finale is tonight, Curb Your Enthusiasm will be winding down with the Seinfeld cast hopefully having a major presence in the last few episodes, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia continues to set the bar high for innovative, boundary-pushing comedy. The Office and 30 Rock are still passable, and I absolutely can’t wait for the return of Lost and Breaking Bad in the early part of 2010.

• Finally, I will never, ever, and I do mean never, get used to utter darkness at 5:40 p.m. It can’t be surprising that people literally get depressed at this phenomenon, right? If we abolished Daylight Savings Time, what would be the penalty exactly?

Alright, that’s a sufficient trip around the dial, eh? Please remember, there are only 46 shopping days left until Christmas. Don’t procrastinate. Also, don’t forget to blame the economy when people don’t like your gifts.